Future Technologies & 6G Technologies Headline Animator

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Monday, October 24, 2011



funny book

FUNNY


A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx


A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck


A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw


A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope


A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
Kevin Nealon


A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra


A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner


A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld


A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby


All men are equal before fish.
Herbert Hoover


All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel


Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby


Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx


As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett


As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman


Be obscure clearly.
E. B. White


Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'Rourke


Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West


Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Bette Davis


By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain


California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen


Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke


Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright


Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
Hesiod


Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno


Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley


Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin


Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Jerry Lewis


Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke


Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle


Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo


Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby


Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz


Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewite


Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain


Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain


God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
Naguib Mahfouz






Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck


Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns


Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
Marilyn vos Savant


He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor


Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller


How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips


I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin


I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen


I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King


I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright


I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett


I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman


I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields


I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Imelda Marcos


I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis


I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone


I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen


I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry


I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn


I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
There was an error in this gadget